Food

Depending on the importance of a meal, and particularly in the case of formal banquets, the dishes you are served may range from the strange to virtually inedible by Western standards. While there may be nothing pleasant about actually consuming some of what you will be offered, both protocol and courtesy dictate a genuine effort. Fortunately, it is perfectly acceptable to leave food on your plate; in fact, uneaten food demonstrates that your host has the means to provide above and beyond the needs of his guests.

The more exotic (and therefore expensive) the dishes are, the more your host demonstrates that s/he can afford to entertain in a costly fashion and therefore you/your proposal are important to them. Pay even more attention than you would at home to the kind of restaurant you are invited to, what type of dishes are ordered, and how much toasting goes on during the meal; all of these things may signal how important you are to your host.

Seating

There are protocols in relation to seating at both social and business functions. There is always a ranking among the guests based on seniority or other considerations, even if you are not aware of it. There is often a good-natured display of shoving and cajoling as the middle-ranking members of the party ‘modestly’ decline more senior seats near the host.

In general, the host’s preferred position is the seat facing the door, so that s/he can observe and greet all of the guests as soon as they arrive. At banquets, where round tables are the norm, this can be a somewhat random position, depending on where the door is. In business settings with long meeting tables, the more senior people sit in the middle, with less senior members of the party ranged along the far ends.

Speeches

If speeches are to be given by you and/or your host, they are not necessarily expected to have much content; the main purpose is to build goodwill. It is also not necessarily considered rude for people to have their backs to you and/or continue their own conversations during your speech. If you get this type of treatment, do not be offended, and do not wait for everyone to stop talking before you begin. Also, a Chinese speaker may applaud for him or herself along with the rest of the guests at the conclusion of a speech.

Gifts

Banquets and other formal meals are a good time to present gifts if you have brought them.

Photos

It is also a good time to take some photos with your host, perhaps with gifts that were just presented. Again, there may be some good-natured shoving and cajoling as people decline to be a group shot, but everyone will want their picture taken with the foreign guest.

Drinking and Smoking

If you are not a drinker and/or smoker, these habits could become the bane of your existence while in China. You will be under constant pressure to partake of alcohol and/or cigarettes; nevertheless, there are ways to politely decline.

A cigarette is easiest to refuse, although in China every male can – and usually will – smoke if social or business situations require it, even if he is not a regular or even casual smoker under everyday circumstances.

The omnipresent Chinese brew at a meal of any importance (and sometimes even a casual lunch) is ‘baijiu,’ roughly the equivalent of wood alcohol to the average Western palate, so there’s no point in getting ill or, worse, drunk if you don’t think you can handle it. You can always decline with the explanation that you’re not accustomed to Chinese spirits. Or take a small sip on the initial toast and then simply raise the glass to your lips on the next few.

You can offer a toast at almost any point during the meal (toasting is not primarily reserved for the beginning or end of a meal as is often the case at Western business dinners and lunches), and make sure you acknowledge everyone in order of importance.

Introductions to Other Guests

You may find that you are sometimes not introduced to everyone at a meeting, meal, or place you visit. This is to be expected, as it is not considered impolite (or disconcerting for you) to pass over subordinates, or people who are simply not critical to a given meeting or meal. It is perfectly acceptable for you to ask someone’s name (or even admit that you have forgotten a name, preferably not directly to that person).

Paying the Bill/Haggling

The Chinese are not in the habit of splitting the bill; in some instances, the suggestion that the costs of a meal be settled this way might even make them uncomfortable. They will, however, openly dispute a bill with a waiter or restaurant manager, which can be uncomfortable to Western sensibilities. In the Chinese context, lengthy haggling of the smallest discrepancy on the bill shows that your hosts are looking after you (if the meal is on you) or shows everyone in the party they cannot be cheated (if it is on them).

By the same token, when a Chinese person says “Suan le” (“Forget it”) in reference to money, this is usually a subtle way of pointing out what you have forgotten (e.g., the last 6 cents of whatever you owe them). Although acquaintances may protest the repayment of money or your offer to treat for a meal, generally they are only looking for (sometimes forceful and repeated) insistence on your part that you want to pay. They do not expect you to ‘default’ on the loan in question or never offer to pay for a meal.

Similarly, you should have no qualms about openly counting your change, even when the serviceperson has just done it for you. This will not be perceived as a sign that you think you have been cheated, merely a preventative measure.

Table Manners

The point of a Chinese meal is to thoroughly enjoy the food and drink, without worrying about what you look like while doing so. You will probably find a greater acceptance of tossing your bones on the table, slurping your soup, talking with your mouth full, etc. You will definitely not have to worry about such niceties as keeping your elbows off the table or what to do with greasy fingers (in fact, you may have to ask for a napkin if you are averse to wiping them on the tablecloth). These are all permissible behaviours at the table, indicating that you are thoroughly enjoying your host’s hospitality.